SOLUTION

S1 O1 L1 U1 T1 I1 O1 N1 - Double letter, double letter, double word score, 20 points



Ladies, be careful of who you fuck. Real.talk.



Me and my ex, who I've known for the last 14 years, had a small trist last year and it resulted in probably the most adorable damned baby in creation (yeah she is...damn a Gerber Baby). So ever since I revealed to him that I was pregnant, he swore (and continues to swear) up and down that she isn't his.

Once I gave birth to my little Princess Leapfrog (and NO that is not her name because I bet there is someone out there who is thinking: oooooooooooooooooh that's a cute name Imma name my baby that! People that is a NICKNAME dammit) I sent in my paperwork for child support. And one of the stipulations to receive child support in the state of Wisconsin (and probably everywhere else) is I have to agree to a paternity test for my child. So I agreed...because I don't have anything to hide.


SIDENOTE: When you have to take the paternity test, a delivery service delivers the paperwork from the family courts to your house. So this one particular place called me because they couldn't contact me to drop off the papers. I called Rose at the service and asked her about my papers and if he got his copies. She said well what are the names of the MEN you are requesting paternity from. MEN?! Dahell...call me Jordin Sparks because I am not a slut. And just because you are getting paternity confirmed doesn't mean that this is Maury (more on him a liiiiiiiiitle bit later) bitch.



Anyway, he didn't get the paperwork and I told him that I would make him a copy of mine to give to him so that he wouldn't miss the court date. First he says that it's going to take three months for results to come back (which I highly doubt, but then again this is my first and only kid so what do I know). Then he goes on to say...well it won't solve anything. Won't solve anything? Dumbass YOU are the one that requested the paternity test (before I even knew that I had to take one for child support). So one would think that it would solve his thoughts of this child being his. Oh I forgot to tell you, he said that he wasn't going to take the test and that's why it won't solve anything. In my mind that tells me one of two things: 1- you know this baby is yours (just like the rest of your family knows) or 2- you know she's yours and you ain't trying to pay support, despite all of your efforts to convince me of your good faith payments to all of your baby mommas (yes I said MOMMAS, but I'm not a baby momma...I'm the mother of his child...get it right).



But my thing is...what are you trying to solve? Where is the equation that is giving you such a headache? I couldn't pinpoint exactly ONE so I compiled a list:

1. The fact that I'm not letting you fuck anymore.


2. The fact that I won't cosign a loan for a damned crotch rocket for you.


3. The fact that I don't want you anymore.


4. The fact that I called you and told you that I wasn't going to keep asking you to see Princess Leapfrog because it seems like in order for you to see her you have to fuck me in order to see her. THAT shit don't go together.


5. The fact that I'm the only one of the many women you have children by that agreed to a paternity test and have nothing to hide.


6. The fact that I won't go on Maury to acquire her paternity. (And do you know this kneegrow got MAD when I told him that I wasn't going? Do I look like a hoodrat to you?)

So maybe those are the equations that don't have solutions to them in his mind. Who knows. At this point who cares. But I know that the test will solve two things: him knowing scientifically that he's the father and that his ass has to pay up.

Maybe once he starts shelling out that money he'll realize the solution to 1+1=2.